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my new babies!! i love them SO much!  |
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| If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.' -by Jack Handey |
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| what is it about financial aid that is such a freakin pain in the butt!!!  finally got all that crap figured out...thank God... |
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| tuesday may 15th starts my first day of class, i'm sleeping with my computer on tonight cause i know i'll have trouble sleeping. the things i am most stressed about right now are: my actual class- how much work will it be, my financial aid, it's all pretty screwed up right now...guess thats all for now |
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| i went to Indiana this weekend. my uncle looked very frail and thin under the hospital sheet. my aunts were around me crying. my uncle had very labored breathing. he's still in a coma according to the doctors. he opens his eyes but doesn't seem to focus on any one thing. it's very hard to see him like this. just this past Christmas he surprised us by walking through my mother's front door. he surprised us all. i loved listening to him and my mom and aunts talk about when they were younger and would go out partying together. my uncle is a very hilarious man. it's hard to believe he'll never be the same. if he "recovers" he'll most likely be in a nursing home the rest of his life. he's suffered pretty extensive brain damage from his stroke. it leaves me wondering, what does the word "life" really mean. hearing and seeing him breathe that way; it's hard to believe he'll make it much longer. and if he does make it, he'll be in a nursing home and not really aware of what's going on. as i looked at him in the hospital all i could think is "i never want to be this way." i've always hoped my death would be qiuck. and my uncle hoped that too. i remember us sitting around talking about it before. this past weekend we all agreed that he would be pretty pissed if he knew the condition he was in, and would probably just want to go. but now that this situation faces us, my aunts and his sisters don't want to let him go. what is it about the human body that make people so reluctant to let it go? the Word tells us our bodies are a temporary home, like a tent. if my uncle knew the state he was in...i think he would be pissed. i don't think he's living. he can't talk with us, our laugh with us, or tell stories. he's laying in a hospital bed with labored breathing, a feeding tube through his nose, not knowing what the crap is going on. this is not life. i feel like we're keeing his body alive to appease certain family members; and that's not living. some people are afraid to die, the ones who don't know where they are going after death. being afraid of death is not what life is all about. today i'm coloring easter eggs with my little sister, it's so fun hanging out with her; now that's living |
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